Step families are becoming more and more popular these days with some children having 4 or more adults in their lives that they see as parents or step parents. Step parent doesn’t mean that they replace the original parent but that they are a partner of a biological parent after the original relationship between the parents has ended.
But when you’re on the outside looking in, it can be very hard. I am talking from the point of view of the non parent. In other words, the person with whom the parent makes a new relationship with. It can be very hard for them to bond and become part of this suddenly created family situation.
Know that the child may well push you away for sometime, you can be seen as a threat, home wrecker, they may even call you these names. Understand that they are hurt and it will pass. When they are calm talk to them, it could be about anything maybe your collection of cake decorating books or your passion for clothes and shoes, you will find you have common ground.
Whatever they find that works will be part of a bonding process and the best thing to do is let the child take the lead. However this doesn’t mean you let them take over, the parent needs to remind the child that the step parent is still an adult and should be listened to and respected. As hard as it may be there has to be a balance in all of this and the adults remain in charge.
Even if you have a busy lifestyle and might find you’re spending your spare time with your new partner, don’t forget his or her children. Try and set some time aside for you all to do something together or even just you and the child, share cake decorating tips, bake something, or even go out to the park and show just how much fun you can be!
As time goes on you’ll find that you and the child or children will really start to bond, it is a natural process and you can’t force how long it takes but it will get easier. Remember to share your ideas with them, show them how to decorate cake or even how to score in a football game!
The parent also needs to remember that they are still there for them no matter what and that the step parent isn’t replacing the other parent who isn’t resident with them. Make sure that your kids know they can come to you at any time with any questions they may have.